Another Cycle, and a Critical Look

I have seen it happen before, but none before just now. It hit me again after I got of the phone with my last pseudo girlfriend.
She was engaged. Taken to the top of the Eiffel tower and proposed to. How cliche yes, but according to the people in my office, cliche works. If it aint broke...dont fix it right .... right.

Or something like that. I tend to find myself dating girls who are in a whole unattainable, and then when I do have them, I do something ridiculous like let them go, or write them off and blame it on my travel schedule. True, my affinity for travel trumps my desire for closeness and continuity. Dont get me wrong I have tended to maintain contact with these women for an incredible amount of time, like...years...but never going there...or once they are there but change, they tend not to go back to where they were.

It is a complexed set of events, but even more so now that a majority of my friends are in seriously committed relationships, or are considering popping the questions, or have popped the question, or have children, or just doing SOMETHING regarding that next step. And no matter how much it hits me that I could and should also be working towards that end, I seem to be...not getting anywhere.

It is almost silly though. I mean, I have the option and the grace of all these women, but still have not found her. Crazy thing is...I have found her so many times that its just ridiculous that I am not WITH the HER. I think that kind of thing changes often as well.

Gladly I have long since given up the feeling sorry for myself because she was not around attitude and have accepted to adapt to every situation as it comes.
I know I have the skills to woe them, I have the skills to make them love me. It is embedded into my genes...just like my daddy.
But still, the desire to connect on that level is strong. Not seeing women as objects was easy, seeing them as life partners, also easy...actually finding my life partner, well that one will take some work I suppose.

I feel like I am not destined to be one like the rest.
It has been so and will always be so.

And here I am. At 25. Single. No kids. Many loves. five years to go.

Relationships, Anniversaries, Danger, and Sexy Money

Many of my friends are in that limbo time. Limbo time is the anniversary/break-up/renewal/pissed off at/single time of the year. It is quite crazy actually. Since no one wants to admit a vulnerability and a need to have a person on the arm to validate them, I suppose that it is ok to be in that state of things. All I know, for sure is that my constant state of NOT being in that situation makes it...interesting when looking at my friends.

I had a conversation with a former lover this morning after the alarms went off. There was such a need to control the possibility that things could spin out of hand at any moment and somehow turn to where it was in the past. Including physical emotions where there really should be none. But that yearning to go back to what is familiar. And it really was that good...

Thsi time next week I will be looking forward to going back home. But I hate homecoming. I do not like the choice of dwelling that my family decided to go on. Honestly, it is because the small town thing never really grew on me, and it is also because Georgia really isnt that cool of a place. I mean, there are all these self important people that live there who assume that you give a damn about who they are or what they do...When really, why the hell should it matter.
Which leads me to another issue.

VIP lines at clubs. WTH, I mean, yes, exclusivity generally rules the scene. If you want something to sell, make it exclusive. But really, when I am at a club, do I need to be behind the red line, ordering more expensive drinks, and dancing with people who expect MORE out of you, or can I just be comfortable hanging out with the regular, non self important people whose everyday lives makes it ok to not have to go to a night club to feel important. Sometimes I just want to ask those 'VIP' what makes them special. If it is the ability to purchase a bottle of vodka and pay extra to get in...well, so be it. But I can almost guarantee that my $5-$10 cover (go earlier than midnight), $4-$8 drink (stick to the basics ____ +vodka), and my dancing where a majority of the people in the club are anyway (non-VIP) section, will make my night just as fun as yours...especially when I leave with the knowledge that if I wanted to pretend I was self important...I could. But what is the point. That $300 bill that you got at the end of the night could have gone to something a bit more productive than flossing.....Im not hatin, Im just saying.

Because I cant make this stuff up

While doing my interneting today, I came across this post below:

Waz up ladies, i just got out of a relationship, and im just lookin for someone to hang out with while im on house arrest. yeah i know house arrest, i feel like disturbia lol, im not a hardened criminal or anything like that, i just got caught up making the wrong decisions. regardless of all of that, im still in college, just got inducted into the honor society, and i still work, i just want someone i can chill with and talk too. anyway people say im very intellectual, i like to play and chess and i like watching the discovery channel, history channel, the news, and even cartoons. i can get a long with anyone and can have a conversation about anything and i have a great since of humor. i really like all types of women so i dont discriminate, i just want a cute, funny, smart girl who like to have fun. after i get off house arrest i plan on traveling, finishing my last year of college and going to get my masters, and just having fun with the lady of my life and my friends while i try to get wealthy. but anyway, if house arrest is not to much for you hit me up so we can talk later....
----

Ok, so um....REALLY?

I honestly should not try to hate on this guy for attempting to make a people connection. Sometimes that is just really hard. But I wonder if this guy actually met someone who is also searching for that kind of connection to ... link up with.

True, this may be a gag post, but meh..I like the courage of the poster. But honestly...I think he should stay in college for a few more years. The masters may be aiming a bit high. But why am I hating. Do your thing man.

The Baghdad I have come to call home

I feel like this entire county is nothing but one duck and cover to the next. I really have not enjoyed daylight for the last week for the fear of an impending barrage of missiles. Small tasks like taking a shower or washing clothes require me to summon up all of my courage and walk in determined steps, always looking towards finding the next bunker.
I did not find or know the men that died. But they were both very near on their way to leaving. I grieve for their families.
I also grieve for the comrades that I left and am leaving to enjoy the fruits of my labor. My travel plans are extreme, but people know I am one to always enjoy myself.
I am always on the move, and I am always thinking about the future....I am almost going to be 25.

A quarter of a century.